Everyone loves a birth story
Its taken a while to put it into writing, almost two years and It still gives me nightmares, I have never felt so let down by the people I should have trusted the most.
May 24th 2017 42 weeks pregnant I FINALLY went into natural labour, I was adement I did not want to be induced and as a low risk pregnancy I was allowed to go to 42 weeks. I was due to be induced at 9 am but at 6 am I felt contractions and they came on fast in fact 3 every 10 minutes. We called the hospital in Surrey and were told to come on down. I was given a bed on the ward and told I was likely still going to be induced although I kept trying to tell them I was already in labour. Finally I was examined and the Mid wife was shocked to see I was almost 5 cm dilated already in just 2 hours. I was moved to a birthing suite and the midwife was the sweetest, she began running the bath for me and explaining water births and how to use the gas and air. My mum arrived and I was so relaxed I hadn't even touched the gas and air but that was all about to change.
My lovely sweet midwife told me her shift had ended and I would soon meet the midwife who would be with me until Grace was born ( We had already picked her name at this point)
I would never ever refer to anyone so rudely but this lady was an old dragon! She barked orders for me to lay down so she can examine me, She then told me how she was going to break my waters - No choice given and as a new mum I had no confidence to say no.
She broke my waters at 6 cm and everything went downhill fast. My contractions became unbearable, Grace pooped and we were taken from our comfortable birthing suite to a small, cold room at the end of the corridor.
The midwife got me onto the bed and set up with gas and air, whilst telling me how it was her daughters birthday and she didn't get the time off... fantastic!
She was out of the room more than she was in it, I began to feel agonising pain, My contractions were back to back and she was nowhere to be seen. My birthing partners were my mum and Robert, who were amazing considering the circumstances. I insisted I could feel something down below and was repeatedly told "your only 6 cm" Suddenly My heart monitor went crazy and a doctor came in who immediately made the decision to get me to theatre and get Grace out. It was such a blur and I remember trying to keep still for the epidural whilst having back to back contractions and feeling so light headed, I honestly thought I was dying.
Moments passed and Grace was lifted out but not to me, She was rushed to the side of room in silence. I remember watching Roberts face looking for a sign that she was okay, he was crying but kept smiling at me, I tried shouting to get someones attention but everyone kept saying "its okay mum" and "focus on me"
It wasn't okay. Everyone left the room and It was just me and the team sewing me back together, No one really talking and I felt myself drifting in and out of consciousness. I woke up in an empty ward, My mum was crying, Rob was gone and My heart sank. The dragon came round and explained how Grace was born at 00:25 weighing 8lb 4oz and only 38 cm long so very short... My mum was about to go crazy how dare she call the baby I have yet to even meet "short". I was later taken to a ward full of mums with crying newborns and the plastic cot next to me still laid empty.
Robert and my mum were sent home shortly after being transferred and I was alone. I cried silent tears all night, Listening to other peoples perfect babies not knowing if my baby was even alive.
At 6 am the kindest midwife I met on my journey came to me and asked if I was okay, Finally I thought! She offered to take me to the NICU to meet Grace but warned I would not be able to hold her due to being numb from my waist down still and Grace being very poorly. I jumped at the chance theoretically speaking as I would not be jumping for a long time.
When I met Grace she was so fragile, she did not look 8lb at all, she was laid in an incubator covered in wires and breathing equipment. The Drs told me she has a nasty infection they thought to be sepsis from the amount of meconium she had swallowed and breathed in. The poor baby was covered from head to toe in it. Maybe if the Dragon had of been in the room more often she would have noticed Grace was drowning in her own poop.
We spent 7 days in hospital, after 24 hours in NICU Grace was allowed onto the ward with me but with strict orders to return to NICU for her antibiotics at 6 am and 6 pm every day. My poor baby suffered numerous lumber punctures and blood tests but she fought with all her strength and we were home 8 days after being admitted. She dropped to 7lb1 and We did struggle to breast feed which I had so badly wanted to try, I gave up after 3 weeks due to Grace losing over 10% of her birth weight and the health visitors recommendation to start formula feeding. I felt robbed of the most important day of our lives, What should have been the happiest will always be one of mixed emotions and trauma.
Despite all we had to go through, Grace made a full recovery and soon regained her birth weight and more. She was a dream newborn she slept 6 hours straight at just 2 weeks old and we haven't looked back. It has not put me off wanting a second child although it has made me want a larger age gap, I would love nothing more than a VBAC and they say the longer you wait the higher the chances but we will see when that time comes.
I hope I have not bored you all to death, I love reading others birth stories as they are all so different and unique, the best by far is my friend Daisy's do check her out on Instagram: Daisy Doodles Daughters - Amazing!