The Fourth Trimester
There is no moment greater than the moment when your newborn baby is placed on your chest regardless of how you gave birth, or how much pain you are in it all evaporates in that one precious moment and the next few days a total blur whilst your stuck in that newborn bubble, your exhausted but yet you wont sleep when the baby sleeps because you just want to stare at that perfect face, “I made you” you say it out loud because you still cannot quite believe it. POP!
That bubble is over, its day 5 Post Partum and baby blues are in full swing... why do I want to cry so much? Why do I feel so rubbish, I am exhausted! But I was more than just a little down I felt so poorly, In fact I remember crying on robs shoulder saying over and over “I cant do this anymore” I called my hospital ward and explained I had a fever and felt so low, I was told to get to my GP first thing in the morning. a Uterus infection... two courses of antibiotics, continued Oral morphine and Paracetamol for 7 days. Day 6 was hell, I felt so weak, so faint I had Ivy booked for her newborn photoshoot and told myself all morning I can do this, I can do this! I did, well we went and she had her shoot, I put on the bravest act because inside I was in so much pain, I felt miserable, I ached all over, I felt physically nauseous and faint but somehow managed to get home before having a breakdown. It really did not help that Grace was playing me up rotten and being a total two year old!
By day 8 I felt human - ish, we had more visitors and took the short walk with the pram and Grace to the park, By day 10 I put my jeans on and started getting back to routine, by day 14 I was driving as Rob returned to work, I felt positive again for the first time in weeks! Grace was still being very naughty & had an obsession with climbing on Ivy. Ivy was sleeping in our bed and waking every 4 hours to feed. Honestly? Noone tells you how hard it is the second time round, not just the C section but the whole healing process, the firstborn child acting out for your attention, feeling so overwhelmed and sleep deprived. BUT week 6 we got there! Ivy started sleeping 7 hours straight, Grace was back to her usual toilet habits and not wetting her knickers for my attention or pooping! And getting out & about was less and less stressful each time we left the house.
However I started to experience intense pain in my lower stomach around the scar tissue from my C section and felt ever so tender, after a family day out I was feeding Ivy and ended up hitting the floor, rolling around in agony clutching at my stomach, I honestly cannot describe the pain! I went to hospital where they ran test after test and still to this day are unsure of what it was, one Dr told me I was losing my uterus and would have to have it removed, luckily thats not happened or at least not yet! Its now week 9 and I feel almost healed, I still feel tender and my upper body & core strength are pathetic, I need to work on those in the new year and getting back to full health but life with two children is not going to be as easy as I first imagined.
Grace loves Ivy but can be so rough with her, She doesnt realise how much it hurts Ivy when she acts like a bull in a china shop! Typical two year old although she has the mental age of a 3 year old or wiser so she is more than aware of what she is doing and how she behaves. Is it wrong to call my own child manipulative? Because my goodness Grace is! she plays me and Rob off, She has a way of always getting what she wants and the attitude! Ivy now sleeps 8 hours and Grace will sleep 12/14 hours so sleep is not an issue in our house but naps are non existant. You know what else is non existant? My personal space, If one of the girls is content the other sure as hell wont be! Some evenings usually the witching hour between 5-6pm Im pretty sure Australia can hear the screams and tantrums of both girls crying in unison, Ivy is hungry and Grace is tired & hungry and its near impossible to cook & feed a baby at the same time as well as give the toddler the attention she so craves! Dont let me put you off having two children but just be warned... its a whole new world! One child was a doddle and Grace was always that good baby, the one that sleeps, eats, sleeps, repeat. Ivy is also a dream baby and a little gem when its just me & her but throw a stroppy twonager into the mix? Ha!
I totally adore both girls and love being their mum even in all the chaos and hard days the good outweighs it all and I am so excited to watch them grow together and us as a family learning and adapting each day, I just have to take it slowly at the moment I am still only 9 weeks post partum, I still struggle taking both girls anywhere alone more because I get anxious and picture the worst possible scenarios but if Im honest so far they have been brilliant out & about for me, this january I plan to really try get out even more with them both and even take them to the zoo alone & food shopping because usually I do a tesco delivery or take Ivy with me only and leave Grace with Rob or my mum.
If your in my shoes or been there and come out the otherside drop me a message! Lets chat & laugh about the good & bad, Im always up for a funny story! Did I tell you about the time I found Grace poo in my tumble dryer and had to choose between cleaning the poop or attending to a screaming hungry Ivy? urgh it gives me shudders just remembering it! Scared for life! Note to self ... check dirty washing before putting into the machine and always always bin poopy knickers those things should never get as far as the wash bin.
Thanks for stopping by! - megg x