What they forgot to tell you about childbirth
In the movies child birth looks magical doesn't it? Bridget Jones baby, ahh how easy she made it look and have you seen 'what to expect when your expecting'? Wow okay childbirth is not like that at all! They missed out the nausea, blood, panting, emergency buttons buzzing, Pain, real pain!
Okay so we all knew when we got pregnant it was going to hurt, a lot. So we expect to push a watermelon out of a satsuma, some immense pain and then everything to be 'normal'. So wrong!
My watermelon came out of the sunroof in an emergency style exit like a little baby superhero bursting into the sky and into the hands of a stranger. My birth may have been a little on the extreme side, like they dont even show this part on One born every minute. ( I might have watched numerous series of OBEM in the run up to labour like what could possibly go wrong if I watch every scenario) So we get through Labour and have our perfect Newborns, but why do we still feel sore down below or why is my stomach feeling like its been ripped open and punched... They didn't show this on Bridget bloody Jones!
No one told me about port partum bleeding. No one. I stand up for the first time since I regained the feeling in my legs and 'splat' Blood and lots of it hitting the hospital floor and I scream, I am dying. Okay so I am not actually dying but I am fainting and where the hell is the nurse or midwife? Where is this blood coming from. My stitches must have popped. oh gosh my stitches, I am bleeding out, I am going to die where is the midwife will someone please help me. I felt rather pathetic once I was calmed down by the midwife on duty and taken to the bathroom for a clean up.
No one told me I would be washed by a stranger. I was wheeled into the bathroom for my first shower since labour began 24 hours ago. I was barely able to waddle let alone walk and yet somehow the thought of washing my hair filled me with a new lease of life only to be burst when I was told the nurse would wash me. I sat naked in a chair whilst a nurse helped wash me. Humiliating to say the least, I knew childbirth was not going to be dignifying when I peed a little bit on the midwife earlier the previous day I thought that was as bad as it could get. Nope.
No one told me I would need to hold someones hand whilst I took my first port partum poop. Yes the thought of pooping terrified me, the fear of popping those stitches in my lower abdomen put me off and I found myself waddling up and down the aisle of ward talking myself into going to the loo. How bad could it be? In the end I confessed to a junior midwife how the laxatives were working and yet I was still too afraid to poop. She took me by the hand and came with me. My junior midwife helped me poop for the very first time. If you ever read this thank you and I am so sorry yet so grateful you had to do that.
No one told me about the gas. Being on a ward with 6 other mums and their perfect little bundles of joy its hard to just 'let it out' I was so bloated and the gas was never ending! I kept making trips to the bathroom but at night I found myself waking up to my own noise! Embarrassing to say the least and I wish someone pre-warned me about this, Apparently it is common with c sections to get very gassy and uncomfortable. My advice? let it out and let it out fast before it hurts!
No one told me my belly would remain jiggly and pregnant looking for days to come. I thought once the baby was out that was it, your belly goes back down and you look like you again. Wrong. For me anyway and most mums I know our bellies did not deflate instantly, it took time, it was jiggly and felt weirdly like play doh, It reminded me of Homer Simpson jiggling his in an episode of the Simpsons. My advice? Dont panic, learn to love it as It wont always be like that and someday you will miss that pregnant bump, the wobbly jelly belly post partum and the smell of your perfect newborn laying beside you making all this worth while.
I have written this to remind myself all about post partum in the run up to trying for baby number two, but honestly it was all worth it and I will do it all again and this time I know what the worst to come could be!